Surviving vs. Thriving- Where are you in Your Journey?

There’s so much struggle around us. People are struggling to put food on the table. We are privileged here. I can’t believe that I am now in a place to say that I am privileged. We are alive, we have a roof over our heads, we have our health, we have loving family and friends, and we have modern tools around us to make life easier. We have delicious food on the table. We’re able to nourish and help people in all kinds of ways. We are blessed. However, we aren’t lucky. We worked so very hard to get here. I wasn’t always thriving. To get here, I had to survive first.

I remember how hard life was for us that we had to wait for things to go on clearance to be able to eat. We didn’t have extra money to buy new clothes- hand me downs and second hand shops only. When I moved out and lived on my own, I struggled to pay the bills. This is why I understand that we do what we do to just survive because oftentimes, thriving isn’t an option. I had been there. And I am always mindful of other people’s positions in life. I’ve been an expert in struggling and surviving. At one point though, I had enough. There must be a better way. That was when I read countless self help books and went to financial seminars, networking events, Toastmasters, and even tried some MLM businesses. I never stopped looking for answers and education.

For instance, not everyone can be or want to be vegan, it’s unrealistic to have that expectation. Let’s just be honest here. It’s not that eating plant exclusive is expensive because it can be so much cheaper if you focus on whole foods. I’m talking about the mental capacity to be educated in another way of eating and living. Many people are so exhausted and tapped out they have no more room for anything else. I know some of you may not agree with my views. And that’s ok. Is veganism the best way? For me it is after everything I tried. For you? Maybe, maybe not. Just know that every action has consequences. I don’t believe in personal choices because everything we choose has an impact.

After years trying to heal from trauma, my body was asking for peace and higher vibration food. I was shown how it was impossible for me to release the trauma when I kept consuming it multiple times daily, despite praying over my food. Once I gained the awareness, I needed to end the internal conflict within me. I chose the peaceful way. And it has worked out amazingly for me. Is it possible to be 100% cruelty free? Absolutely not. Our mere existence hurts nature. The houses we live in has cost animal and human lives. Many of the things we buy have cost human and animal lives. If I go through them all, I would cease to exist in order to have total peace. But I’m here for a divine purpose. As are you. I can do my best with the knowledge and resources I have. We will never be “perfect”. That doesn’t mean we stop trying to be good humans. I have a conscience. So where did I start? “I no longer want to consume animals and their fears and suffering. What do I need to do to thrive on this lifestyle?” I trusted that Source/God/Universe supports my alignment. And did they ever deliver! It has healed me on so many levels.

Your journey may be focused on something else this time around. We signed up for different lessons and different struggles in life. All I can do is share my journey and hope it inspires and empowers you. If you are called to a deeper healing, maybe my journey will resonate with yours. I believe this is my last chance to balance my karma. I’m here to finish what I started many lifetimes ago. That’s why there is a sense of urgency and I can’t be distracted. Laser focus.

I will leave you with these reflections. Why are you here? What do you need to balance? What actions can you align with that will speed up your soul advancement?

Wishing you all a beautiful Sunday evening. Remember, Monday is a blessing. Each day we get to live is a blessing, because somewhere in the world, people would gladly trade places with you for another chance at life. Namaste.

Saying YES Doesn't Guarantee it's Gonna Happen

You’ve heard it countless times I’m sure. Say YES to life. Say YES to this, that… Well, my business and life experiences in saying yes have been quite a “mess”.
I said yes to yoga teacher training. Not to teach, but to help myself heal. Then the Universe guided me to actually let go of my fear and teach classes. That was not my original intention.

I said yes to opening a wellness centre in Whitby in 2016 providing yoga, Reiki, and hypnotherapy services. Right after we said yes, one person backed out. So that left two of us. Then not long into it, the other person had some challenges and again, I was left to pick up the pieces and the debt to carry on my own. But might as well, because I have been pretty much doing it all since day one anyway. I had the centre for over three years. I worked my corporate job during the day and then headed over to teach every night and weekend, 10-13 classes weekly. Longggg days.

My lease was up for renewal in January 2020. My guides advised me to not renew my lease a few months prior . I shed many tears over this tough decision. It was my baby and I had worked so hard to build it. But I just couldn’t. I was working 12-13 hours daily at the restaurant (I opened the restaurant Aug 2018) and then headed over to teach 10-13 classes weekly, depending on which teachers needed coverage. Absolutely no day off. Summer was the most challenging as many teachers wanted time off. I had to be there for every single class and workshop. I was burning the candle on both ends. I made arrangements with two local studios to ensure my clients were taken care of after I closed.

Then March 2020, we were shut down. Studios and gyms were closed. I went from feeling broken hearted to feeling so relieved. I was beyond grateful that I listened to my guides. It’s crucial to listen because we just don’t know what’s around the corner. And even if I had kept the centre open, there was no flippin’ way I could have kept both going. We were slammed at the restaurant. With the added cleaning protocols and other things we had to stay on top of, it exhausted me mentally and physically.

When our restaurant was still across the street, a tiny hole in the wall, we looked at a few places to move into. I said yes to three different spaces and each time, it was a no go. My guides were laughing at me while saying “Why do you even bother planning with the little knowledge that you have? Just leave it to us. Do the work, and we’ll take care of the rest”.

One fateful Saturday afternoon, the space that we are currently in now opened up, just like that. The previous tenant didn’t work out. I had wanted this space seven months prior. I wasn’t even able to take a look back then as it was taken already. And then, seven months later, it was ready for us. Outside of the plan. “You can move in tomorrow if you’d like.” The landlord said.

We closed for a week to clean up, move things, get more supplies, and get the place ready. As I have evolved and expanded our businesses, I always keep in mind that our plans will probably not work the way we envisioned it because our knowledge is limited. It forces me to surrender to the infinite and limitless Divine guidance. I set my intentions and I set them free. I detach myself to how things will be manifested. All I am sure of is that they will come to fruition beyond my wildest dreams and for my Highest Good.

I have said yes to many things and when they weren’t meant to be, they didn’t happen. Meanwhile, I have said no to many more things but my guides led me in a different direction and they happened. So I concluded that it doesn’t really matter what my answer is. If they’re meant to happen, they will happen. However, it doesn’t mean I don’t make choices or decisions. Let me explain. How I live my life is like this. I have my self-care practices and I align my actions with my values and beliefs as best I can. I set my intentions and strive to serve with all my heart and soul. When Source/God/Universe decides that I am ready to serve in a bigger capacity, I will be guided there. I meet them halfway through my willingness to do all the work and everything I need is provided for me. Of course my ego still worries from time to time. But for the most part, I have this deep peace and knowing that all is well always and all ways. We are co-creators of our own life and experiences. We are not helpless or powerless. Life happens for us and with us.

I shall leave you with these questions and thoughts to ponder: If you have everything you need- all the resources, strength, and means, what would you do (not in a materialistic way)? How would you live differently (again, not in a materialistic way)? If you know that you are not alone and that you are fully guided and protected, how would you live your life? How would you feel?
So, I wonder then, if you could put yourself THERE already. Now live the way you’re meant to live. BE who you really are already. FEARLESS. DOUBTLESS. PASSIONATE. Because so many souls would trade places with you instantly.

Have a fantastic time being YOU today. Make it FUN. Make it JOYOUS.

XO,

Mathilda

Let's Start at the Beginning

Hello! How are you? For those who are new to Mathilda’s, let me introduce myself.

This is always a challenge for me. Where do I start? I was born in Indonesia where I never felt safe. So when I was 12, my parents informed me that they had plans to send me overseas where I would have a better chance at building a brighter future. I gave it a thought. A year later, I got tired of the school system that wasn’t helpful for my learning and I told my parents I would take up their offer. We surveyed Perth, Western Australia in February 1997 and in June that same year, I moved there by myself, at the age of 14. I didn’t know a single soul there. I stayed with this host family who had two kids of their own and a few young male students living downstairs and a few female students living upstairs.

I was an awkward child growing up. I had a lot of anxiety and was extremely shy. I never fit in. So you can imagine how I felt, being in a house surrounded by strangers, trying to navigate my new life far away from home. My anxiety was debilitating but I kept it hidden from the outside world. Nobody could know because I might not fit in even more. There was surely something wrong with me and I was the only one who could know that. I developed some coping mechanisms to get some relief: Trichotillomania and nail biting. I would only stop after I freaked out looking at the big pile of hair I pulled out from my head, or after the tips of my fingers hurt to the point of bleeding sometimes. The nail biting effected my teeth and jaws and I only got it improved this past year with Invisalign.

Due to my insecurities and anxiety, I focused on my studies and managed to be one of the top students despite the language barrier. I won many awards and even bursaries to help with tuition. Tuition as an international student wasn’t cheap at all. I got a job as soon as I turned 16. I just couldn’t ask my parents for an allowance. I was always a very mindful daughter to my parents. In 1998, Chinese people living in Indonesia were being brutally attacked, raped, and churches, businesses, and houses were bombed and burned down. I wrote a paper about this in University. Being away from my family and not knowing if they would be safe or even alive terrified me. I would wait for their phone call and if I didn’t get any call, I wouldn’t sleep much. So a few months later, my father sent my mother, younger brother, and baby sister over to me in Australia. We stayed at my father’s friend’s house for a couple of months until we found an apartment to move into.

The next few years were a struggle. We didn’t have any furniture. We slept on mattresses on the floor and our dining table was someone’s old kitchen counter propped up unto a cardboard box. My school mates were well off. They had fancy cars, a few cellphones to choose from, and they flew home a few times a year. I had nothing. We would wait at the supermarket at closing time on Saturday evenings and waited for the meat and vegetables to be marked down as they would be closing the next day. We used my baby sister’s $10 stroller (that we bought from a yard sale) as shopping carts to carry the sack of rice as we walked home.

I was ashamed of who I was and my situation. I had no self confidence. In order to save money for my parents, I pleaded with the school principal to let my brother skip two grades. I promised that he would be a straight A student under my guidance. I was taking advanced Calculus and the next grade’s math courses. Seeing my track record and how well I did in math and chemistry, they agreed to let my brother skip grades 7 and 8 and went straight to grade 9. Despite my lack in many areas, I never felt shame for my brains. I also excelled in languages. I was the top student in Japanese class and won awards for it every year. I might not have much but what I had, nobody could take away from me. And that was my only confidence.

We couldn’t afford to live in Australia anymore and my father stayed in Indonesia this whole time in order to send money to support us. In order to unite the family, we needed to move. Australia wouldn’t accept our immigration application as my parents had no asset worth mentioning. My aunt who had been living in Calgary since she was 18 persuaded us to move to Canada. After a couple of years of waiting, we got accepted and as soon as I graduated grade 12, we packed a total of ten boxes of belongings between the four of us and left for Toronto, Canada. That was December 2001. I was accepted into all the major universities in Ontario and even got a scholarship for York University. I chose University of Toronto, majoring in Cognitive Psychology. Hey, if learning psychology could “fix” me, it would be well worth it.

Come to think of it, everything I ended up pursuing has always been self-driven, meaning, my intention has always been to heal MYSELF. Not to make money or be filthy rich, but to heal myself. Hypnotherapy, yoga, NLP, nutrition, etc., the original intention for all of them was to help myself. As I helped myself, I simply shared my journey. This is all I’ve been doing and how I’ve lived.

I worked as much as I could throughout university to pay for tuition because I couldn’t qualify for any loan with no history in this country. Looking back, I was grateful to be denied the OSAP loan because I graduated with no debt. I worked 2-3 jobs at any given time and all hours of the day and saved as much as I could after helping my parents with the bills. When I was 24, I bought a tiny old house in Oshawa, far enough from my parents in Scarborough. Oshawa was affordable for me because with my low income, the only way I could qualify for a mortgage was by putting down 25% down payment, with a B lender. I made a lot of sacrifices in life. I’m truly an expert at sacrifices and delayed gratification. I see that as a strength now. I didn’t (still don’t) have much social life and am very low maintenance. I get my hair cut once a year and I don’t get my nails or face done. There was even a period in my life where I cut my own hair. I never had my hair professionally “done”. I stopped putting chemicals and dyes in my hair since 2014.

Even now, having my own business, I am always the first one in and the last one out. While everyone is still sleeping, I’m already working. My days are long and breaks are very few, but my heart is full. I’m doing what I love, and I’m making my visions and dreams come true. Stay tuned on my post about my visions and dreams. They fuel me on the best days and inspire me to keep going on the hard days. It’s been a roller coaster of a ride and I have been told countless times that I make it look easy. Ha! If you could get inside my head and shadow me, I think most of you would quit and choose to stay where you are. HECK, if I knew how much work would be required, I think I wouldn’t have started! Start a business, they say. Work your own hours, they also say. I think they forgot the next line: Work ALL the hours so you could give more to the government. Back in Indonesia, you fend for yourself. There is no free facility or free health care. But this is a topic for another day. I digressed.

Here I am, at 40, a stronger, more resilient person, after all I’ve been through. We’ll get into my dis-eased years (mid 20 to early 30) sometime in the future. I believe this is why the three years of restrictions and lockdowns we just went through barely effected me. My mental, psychological, and spiritual muscles have been well trained to overcome any obstacle. I believe I will always rise above them all.

So anyways, this is getting quite long. Let’s continue this another time. I don’t want to bore you to death. I need to go to bed as I have a packed two days ahead of me while the restaurant is closed Sundays and Mondays. What did I say? Breaks are rare.

Ciao for now, friends. Stay strong. Stay well. You have the power to change your life.

Namaste.